Saturday, September 4, 2010

Introduction

I wanted to write and give you some personal information about myself. My full name is Ronald Wayne Clark Jr., but my friends call me Ronnie. I was born on April 20, 1968 in Jacksonville, Florida. I’m 6’4”, 235 lbs (muscular : ) with blue eyes and brown hair. I’ve been married and divorced twice, and have no kids. The only family that I have out there is my mother, who lives in Oklahoma. Because of her financial situation, I only get to see her once or twice a year.

My father is in prison here in Florida also, serving a life sentence for murder. You can read about that in A Tale Of Guilt. We do write to each other, but I haven’t seen him since November 1996. The only other family member I’m in contact with is my cousin, and we write once or twice a month.

We have very little to look forward to in here. Mail call is five days a week, Monday through Friday, and it’s a sickening feeling when the mailman passes you by. We can also order canteen once a week, if we have money. We can have visits once a week, and we are allowed recreation twice a week, for two hours at a time.

My day begins at about 5am. I wash, brush my teeth and make my bed. I watch ABC news from 5:30 to 6 am. Breakfast usually arrives at 6 or just after. The food is bad, so I’m on the vegan diet to get away from all the processes meats. After eating, I do some reading, usually involving law, or I write while listening to the radio. On Sundays, from 8-10 am I listen to a radio show hosted by Dee Snyder (from Twisted Sister) called The House of Hair. I love heavy metal – AC/DC, Metalica, Slayer, Rat, Slaughter, Firehouse, Scorpions, etc…

Around 8am every morning I start my exercise program, which is anywhere from 2-4 hours. Then eat lunch about 12 noon. After that I may read or write. I write poetry, essays, and now I have this site to write on. I also draw and make greeting cards when there is nothing else to do. I’m not a great artist. I’ve seen guys who can just pick up a pen and the art flows out of them, but that’s not the case with me. I basically just try to find something to do to pass the time.

This cage is 9x7….63 square feet of hell and it will drive you crazy if you’re not careful. You need to check you sanity daily. Like, right now, 9 cells down the hall, some idiot is snapping his fingers and clapping his hands to music. You hear toilets flushing, lockers slamming and guys arguing over the stupidest of issues.

We eat dinner about 6 pm. We shower 3 days a week. The showers are at the end of the hall. There are 2 showers for the 14 cells on this wing. Anytime we leave the cell we are handcuffed. We are escorted to the shower. The shower door is shut and locked before the handcuffs are removed. We’re given 5-7 minutes to shower, so there is no real enjoyment in it.

I exercise every day so bathe here in my cell every day. Just soap up like you would in a shower, fill the sink with water and pour it over yourself to rinse off. You have to dry the floor afterwards, but at least you’re clean, which is your goal.

I watch some TV. On the street, I didn’t watch hardly any at all. In here, it’s something to do to pass the time. I like Survivor, Big Brother, The Amazing Race, Hell’s Kitchen, The Big Bang, and Two and a Half Men. And I’m a die-hard Miami Dolphins fan : )!!

I usually go to sleep right after mail call, between 8 and 9 pm. And then do it all over again the next day. This is more of an existence than actually living. Only a fool would call this a life. I often hope each night as I lay in the sweltering heat, trying to sleep, that I don’t wake up in t he morning. But I know I will. I’m just that unlucky. Yes, when they were passing out luck, I thought they said, “Duck,” and missed it all : ).

I really miss the beach, motorcycles, and most of all, the company of the greatest, most magnificent creature on the face of this earth, women.

My favorite food is seafood, favorite soda id Pepsi, and my favorite movie is Far and Away with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman.

I have only a ninth grade education, and it’s really not even that. My educational background is as follows: I didn’t attend preschool or kindergarten. I passed first grade but failed second grade twice. I passed third, fourth and fifth, and two weeks into sixth grade at Wright Elementary School in Tulsa, OK, I was bumped up to seventh grade at Edison Junior High because of my size. Mid-way through the school year, I moved back to Florida, and attended Yulee Junior High, where I failed again. The next year I returned to Tulsa to attend Byrd Junior High. But instead of repeating seventh grade, I started ninth, which I barely passed. I attended Fernandina High School for tenth grade, but was present for very few days. I was always high. I dropped out at the age of 15 to sell drugs for my dad. So my education was poor. Because I’m serving a death sentence, I’m not able to participate in any educational programs, so I can’t get a GED. What writing skills I have, I developed in this cage over the past 20 years.

My religious beliefs…well, I’ve studied the bible, the Torah and the Quran. I am a former Christian who began following the teachings of Jesus on blind faith. I accepted him as the Son of God based on what other Christians were telling me. But every time I found a contradiction or unfulfilled prophecy, and I’d show it to the Christian Brother who led me to Christ, he would freeze like a deer caught in the headlights. The bible eventually destroyed my faith. I’d have to define myself as an agnostic now. I leave the door open for a creator, but evolution is probably more likely what happened. For everything has a beginning, so a creator would have had to evolve and would be far more complex than the universe and all life in it. That’s my belief, which most people don’t seem to agree with. But I can’t simply believe what others wish me to believe. I can only believe in what I feel to be true.

In life we have to accept people for who they are and what they believe. No matter who they are or what those beliefs are. We are all human and all have flaws, some of us more than others. I’ve made more mistakes in this life than any ten men combined. I could try to lay the blame elsewhere… a product of my environment, the result of drugs and alcohol, but in all honesty, I’m the sum total of my own stupidity. I’ve made poor decisions my whole life and when you introduce someone like me to drugs and alcohol, you have a sure-fire recipe for disaster. These days I like to think I have a grip on it. But I know I teeter on the edge of stupidity. I therefore must watch whom I associate with, and try to stick with those inclined to make good decisions. The first sign of stupidity and I step back. I cause a lot of problems and I fight the prison authority through the grievance system, some of which I will highlight on this site. I will also share legal documents from my case, as well as poetry essays, and my art. My work is occasionally controversial. I make a lot of enemies, which is really not smart. But I’ve never claimed to be smart, and my history supports that.

I deal with depression and take the antidepressant Prozac. I don’t smoke – quit on January 14, 1997. I stopped using drugs and drinking in August 1996. I got tired of them controlling me. I just wish I could have gotten a grip on it when I was out on the streets. Unfortunately, it conquered me.

I hop that you will take an interest in following me, and that I can enlighten you and give you some insight into issues that you might otherwise overlook. Maybe I can even get you to stop and smell the roses, breathe the fresh air, and look at life in a new way. Please join me on this journey.

3 comments:

  1. I have a question for you. I have read your poems and they are amazing, but the one you wrote about your ex-wife, i read the story behind it, I am sorry that this happened to you. Do you think the love for you and the marriage was a lie? Your poem end with that she has turned your heart to stone- do you think you could ever really love again?

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  2. Ronnie's response: It's hard to say if she really loved me... We never really know what another person is feeling. I don't know why every other word out of her mouth was a lie. It may have been mental illness. And yes, I have since loved someone else, but that's been over for several years as well.

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  3. I'm writing a story about this for my school newspaper and would like to know if it's possible in any way for me to contact his lawyer, and possibly get an interview with him?

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